Dear Customers

Dear Tully's Customer, I am so sorry that when you ordered your 7 pumps of chocolate peppermint mocha, you did not deem it necessary to double the peppermint as well. I am so sorry that you cannot taste the peppermint, but it is actually not my fault. Please quit telling me that I did not put enough in, and get back in line and pay for the next addition to your diabetic coma in a cup.

*Oh, wait, I forgot. Along with my job description of barista, I am also apparently supposed to be a mind reader. Somehow it turns out to be my fault that I was not aware of your changing whims, or that I did not have a preconceived idea of what exactly you wanted. However, funny enough, it isn't YOUR fault that I made the drink YOU ordered, and so conveniently forgot to order it exactly how YOU wanted.

Dear Condescending Tully's Customer, I remember you from yesterday. You ordered a drink with the clear intention of being in a coma by lunchtime. Today you are proclaiming that you can only have the freshest bread, because it is better for you. I am not sure I believe you are all that health conscious. Nor do I appreciate you tacking on additions to your drink after I have already made it, in what I am sure, is an attempt to not pay for them. Also, my coworker does not appreciate being condescendingly referred to as "Young man" in, what I can only assume is an attempt to show that YOU are superior to us because we are simply baristas. I am so sorry that you are middle age, therefore established in your career, and we are putting ourselves through college working, what you clearly feel, is a menial job. Might want to take a look at the calendar, babe. You got quite a head start on us.

Dear Frazzled Customer, I am so sorry that ordering coffee is such a hassle to you, but you walked in to our store, I did not beckon for you. Also, announcing that you are from Ballard as though it were Timbuktu in NO WAY explains why you do not understand how to order coffee, nor does it explain why you cannot not tell if our menu is written in English.

Dear Customer

Dear Tully's Customers, specifically the man who looks as though he spends his spare time dismembering bodies: I am so sorry that you are A) Foul and Grimy, B) Tired and/or C) Mentally addled, but growling in my direction and then creepily staring when asked to clarify what said growl meant does not make me wish to serve you any faster. Please return to whatever freak show you came from and leave me be. (Sunday, January 24, 2010)

Dear Creepy Tully's Customer from yesterday, I have nicknamed you Serial Killer Bob. Your erratic pacing and then standing still and just staring for extended periods of time is doing nothing to dissuade me of this notion. Once again, please return to your freakshow, which, I am sure, is not located in the lobby of this store. (Monday, January 25, 2010)

Dear Parents of Obnoxious Children, this is not a playground, but rather a coffee shop. Our furniture is meant to be sat on, not climbed on. Your child's irritating trilling and yelling is adorable only to you. Also, when they toss their sugar laden snack that should not have been bought onto the floor, YOU need to pick it up. Let's try some responsible parenting, shall we? (Monday, January 25, 2010)

The Gist of It

Well, after quite some time away, I am back. I meant to get around to writing more posts, I swear, but life got in the way, as it tends to do. Anyhow, I have decided to mainly dedicate this blog to customer encounters I have experienced while working for Hallmark and Tully's. The events will not necessarily be chronological, seeing as I worked at Hallmark my senior year of high school (2004-2005) and have worked at Tully's for a little over four years now. Some of the posts will be complete stories (since Seattle's University District is chock full of morally bankrupt, void of manners, and mentally deranged individuals), some will be small blurbs (which were, at one time, more than likely Facebook status updates). These are the events as I recall them. If any coworkers care to add some forgotten details, please feel free to comment.